This year has dealt several heart wrenching loses for me personally. In March, we lost a wonderful artist – JoAnn Naylor – to cancer, in April we lost an outstanding humanitarian – John Strong – to complications from parkinson’s disease, earlier this month we lost our downtown friend – Le Doyle – to cancer.

I also lost one of the most influential women from my early military career. In the late 1970’s early 1980’s, then Marine Corps Captain Shelly Mayer was the officer representative for the US Naval Academy (USNA) volleyball team, on which I played for 4 years. Shelly provided a very important role model for me as a young adult. Her job was to ensure we maintained excellent military bearing. She had high expectations of us. We often had to do things other varsity teams did not, because she was dedicated to ensuring that we represented the Naval Academy and the military in the best possible light. She was very serious about our role as ambassadors. She was killed in April while riding her motorcycle. I had short notice that there would be a celebration of life for Shelly last weekend in the Washington, DC area over Memorial Day weekend.

I was grateful that we had the ability to swing the trip back to the East Coast. It was very well worth it! It was wonderful to see so many classmates & friends (long time & new).

There was something very satisfying about meeting Denise, Shelly’s partner. With my limited USNA perspective, I didn’t fully understand, before last weekend (Memorial Day weekend 2009) how very special, Lt Col. Shelly B Mayer, USMC (ret.) was. This was the second of 2 celebrations for her life. The first was on the West Coast in San Marcos where she & Denise (also retired Marine) lived. On Saturday, there were mostly women, former marines with whom she had served. Shelly was one of the last Marine Women Company Commanders and the first female Marine assigned as a company officer at USNA.

The love and admiration expressed by everyone who served under her was consistent theme as each person who wanted to, told stories about their fondness of Shelly. One marine put it best, that everyone who served with her wanted to please her & to carry out their career in a way that would make her proud.

Every Memorial Day weekend in Washington, DC there is a motorcycle event called Rolling Thunder. 50,000 motorcyclists collect at the Pentagon parking lot the Sunday before Memorial Day to ride the beltloop around DC. Shelly had ridden it before and, this year, was scheduled to be a “platoon leader” for one group. The woman who was to be her assistant drove her ashes across country on her bike. At the event on Saturday, the little urn with Shelly’s ashes was neatly displayed along with other memorabilia. Her leather vest that she wore on the bike, pins & patches, pictures & badges. The slide show running presented her entire life. Shelly impacted so many people so positively. It was an honor to be able to tell Denise, her partner, how much Shelly meant to me & to see so many other people who were also impacted by Shelly’s demanding, yet carrying leadership style.

On Sunday, I went to Annapolis (home of USNA) to visit Capt Roger Onorati, USN (ret) & his wife Judy. Roger was 5th Battalion officer 76-79. He was the officer in charge of the plebe regiment for both the class of 80 (first class with women) & the class of 84 (Tony Onorati, Roger’s son’s class who was assigned to Shelly’s 19th company). So, Roger knew Shelly well at USNA. He and Judy had not heard of Shelly’s death. Roger immediately stated what a great officer & leader she was. During plebe summer (like boot camp) for class of 84, the firsties (seniors in charge) who had Tony in their company didn’t want him to have the privilege to “go home” to Commander’s Row where Judy & Roger occupied one of the homes on Upshur Rd on the campus. Shelly helped the firsties realize that Tony would not be going by himself & overrode their request. Judy said they would see a sea of white coming during liberty hours for the plebes usually including Tony’s entire company! I found this a great story about Shelly’s true caring for those under her charge. Another story about Tony is that he had foot problems. Shelly took personal interest in Tony’s problem to ensure he could continue to run and keep up with his classmates.

I tell these stories because it was helpful for me to process the contributions that Shelly had made. I cried myself to sleep Sunday night.

As I contemplated the losses of this year, I was reminded how important it is to take time to grieve. For me, part of the grief process is reflecting on the important people currently in my life. It’s also a reminder of how short life really is. So be sure to take time grieve when you experience loss… it really does help!